I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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