Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize