All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did i walk over a car last night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
