Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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