I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
