I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
