Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
