i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
