Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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