Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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