Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
