Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
