ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
