Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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