Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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