those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
