Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
