He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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