the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
