Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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