My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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