He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
