I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
