Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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