If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
