he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
