The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
