just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
