Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
