I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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