Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
