What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
