we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
