if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Operation Purity has been aborted
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize