Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
