Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
