perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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