So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
