Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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