he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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