be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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