I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
