the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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