idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize