why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
