But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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