I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
