worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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