i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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