They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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