You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
