well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
