discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
