I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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