If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
