Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
