I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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