Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my liver is dry heaving
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
