3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
