she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
