Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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