I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
