I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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