While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
