The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
