Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This baby is an asshole
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
