I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
