And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
