She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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