Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
