i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
