Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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