3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So much Jack, so little girl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
