Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize