is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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