hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
