Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
