Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
