apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
