You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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