I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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