Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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